Whether it's because of ancient locker-room nightmares or present day fluctuations in my weight, I have body issues. A few years ago, when I was at my maximum weight (a number I am totally not telling you) I realized that those issues were causing me a real problem: I was so unnerved by the idea of being nude in a gym locker room it kept me from actually using the gym.

Not wanting to spend money on therapy sessions to dig down to the roots of this particular mental issue, I chose the cheaper route: I bit the bullet and started getting naked.

It was during this period that I made my first trek out to Spa World, the Korean spa in Centreville renowned for offering the most relaxation you can find short of lounging on fluffy clouds held aloft by unicorns. It's also, to American eyes, stark raving naked. I'm not going to go into some long explanation of cultural differences, but I'll note that Spa World offers a corporate membership package for ''business owners who often entertain guests.''

While I'm sticking to lunch and happy hour to conduct my business entertainment needs, I found that Spa World's relaxing nature lived up to its reputation: lounging around the different stations of the bade pool, a body scrub so thorough it removes anything not attached directly to bone, a full-body massage that leaves you feeling melted.

So, yes, I was taken aback when I first saw word that Spa World had become the focus of a Better Business Bureau complaint for forcing a transgender woman to leave, a sudden reminder that even amid all the relaxation and smiling faces you're still in Virginia where it remains legal to discriminate against LGBT people.

When I've been at Spa World, I've seen that it's fairly diverse for what is at heart a traditionally Asian business: local Korean and Vietnamese families with kids in tow, bunches of European travelers, and a lot of gay guys. Despite raised eyebrows and a handful of Craigslist ads, it's not a huge gay pick-up place. The worst behavior by gays that I've seen is a couple of bears who hogged one of the bade pool stations for half an hour. My mother-in-law goes there often for pedicures and foot massages, which I can't say about any other place of business in which I've been naked over the past 20 years or so. So I take Spa World at face value when they talk about being a ''family'' place.

And I'm willing to cut a little slack to Spa World when it says that some of the offensive language used in their response to the BBB complaint — ''any kinds of abnormal sexual oriented customers to our facility such as homosexuals, or transgender(s)'' — was a problem of translation, because I know from dealing with my own family that English as a second language can genuinely create confusion.

But even as Spa World has publicly followed up on the incident by saying that it does not discriminate against LGBT people, its spokesperson raised my antennae by saying, ''If anybody acts inappropriately, sexually or morally, we reserve the right to ask them to leave.'' I understand kicking out people for inappropriate sexual behavior; I'd just like to know how they define ''morally'' inappropriate. If it sounds like a loophole, it often is a loophole.

I hope that Spa World does the right thing by apologizing to the woman they kicked out and creating a formal nondiscrimination policy. Given Virginia's lack of protections for us — a ridiculous second-class citizenship given that when taken separately from the state NoVa is a very LGBT-friendly place — it would be a good example for other local businesses.

And seeing the welcome mat fully extended, I can get back to relaxing.

Sean Bugg is the co-publisher of Metro Weekly. He can be reached at sbugg@MetroWeekly.com. Follow him on Twitter @seanbugg.

Nearly 10 years ago comic Suzanne Westenhoefer told Metro Weekly she had quit smoking, in part because of the Mautner Project.

''I'm not going to say it was the exact reason I quit,'' she said at the time, ''but it sure as hell helps things along to have a thousand women staring at you like you're a leper.''

Suzanne Westenhoefer

(Photo by Adam Bouska)

Turns out Westenhoefer has been affiliated with Mautner for most of her 33-plus-year career as a comedian. And, it's worth pointing out, Westenhoefer has never once shied away from being open and honest as a lesbian. She was out many years before Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres mustered similar resolve, to great hoopla. Soon after the small-town Pennsylvania native started as a standup comedian in 1990, Mautner came calling. ''It was just like this awesome fit,'' says Westenhoefer. ''Like, I'm not just another comic here to help you guys raise money; I'm a comic here to help you raise money and I actually care about this. This actually matters to me.''

This Saturday, March 9, Westenhoefer returns once again to host and perform at the organization's Spring Gala. When asked a week prior if she remains a nonsmoker, she responds, ''There will be discussion of that. I can't give it away.''

The 51-year-old Westenhoefer, friendly and funny to her bones, will also share other personal health issues and concerns, as well as discuss her experiences helping friends and relatives with cancer. ''I found out the hard way, while going to chemo with someone, that I can actually make chemo patients laugh,'' Westenhoefer says, quickly adding, ''It's not something that I suggest that you try on your own. It could backfire pretty badly.''

As with so many things, better to leave the laughs to a professional.

METRO WEEKLY: How many times have you done the Mautner Project Gala?

SUZANNE WESTENHOEFER: The Gay-la? I honestly don't know. I think I've hosted it four times.

MW: Obviously it means a lot to you.

WESTENHOEFER: It does actually. Women's stuff – oh, I'm one of those feminists.

MW: Has your involvement with Mautner influenced your behavior aside from smoking?

WESTENHOEFER: I've always been one of those obnoxious women who are telling lesbians that they have to get their Pap smears and all that. Just because you don't have sex with men doesn't mean you won't get diseases and blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. So, I'm a supporter. That's my thing! I've taken more women to get Pap smears – that sounds really [crazy], when I hear it out loud like that. [Laughs.]

MW: Cancer remains a huge concern for women's health. But over the decades and the time you've been involved with Mautner, what else would you say has become a hot-button issue?

WESTENHOEFER: Weight. Weight. I have to say weight. Eating badly. Just weight. That's not just women. That's not ethnic. That's not poor, that's not rich. And it's my problem, too. I struggle with it as much as anybody. You can't give in to it. And there have been studies done, and I know that it's true that lesbians, especially, struggle with weight issues. And we just can't [avoid it], because it makes every other issue bad. And it's a pain, and I hate talking about it, 'cause I'm not one of those people who's like, ''Everybody needs to be rail-thin.'' And I'm not one of those people who says, ''Not only do you need to be thin, you need to be fit,'' and all this other stuff. But we can't let this obesity thing take over. I'm sad when I see 13-year-old and 10-year-old kids who are morbidly obese. It's like, No! That can't be! So I would say that's one of the biggest health issues.

But, as of yet, I have found no jokes about it. Not saying I'm not working on it, I'm just saying, because I still struggle with it so much myself, it's just not funny yet.

MW: So you haven't figured out a way to make it funny?

WESTENHOEFER: Not yet. Not that I'm not trying. Just saying that, having struggled my whole life just to keep the 10 pounds off, 20 pounds off, watching other people struggle with it, it's such an ugly problem. Like, you can smoke your whole life and not get cancer. That's the horrible truth about that. You can quit smoking and never smoke and you get cancer. But we can't go without food. And we're really struggling with that. That's a very big issue. Not working out, not taking care of ourselves, not – it's not just anybody, it's everyone. It's me! I mean, I get up some mornings and I think, ''Oh, I would rather club baby seals to death than to get on this treadmill.'' There! My first weight joke!

MW: I take it you work out in the morning?

WESTENHOEFER: That's when I usually do it, yeah. If I work out at all – because I've also really struggled with a lot of [health issues]. I have degenerative disc disease in all of my disks! Ta-dah! I've had four surgeries, and two fusions, in the last five years. I make a really, really loud noise when I get up off the floor now. [Laughs.]

MW: Does exercise help?

WESTENHOEFER: Yeah, it does. But it's a lot harder now.

MW: What can you do to keep that from getting worse?

WESTENHOEFER: Exercise more – but I hate it! I'm like everyone else. Once you get to be 40, I think we all are just like, seriously? Why do I have to exercise anymore? I believe it was Kate Clinton, but I can't remember – some female comedian that I love dearly once said onstage, ''When I am 75, I'm going to eat a Big Mac while snorting heroin! And light a cigarette right after.'' And I know exactly how she feels. I've never wanted to do heroin, I've never done heroin. I don't eat Big Macs. But, I'm just so tired of that constant: What am I eating? What am I not eating? What am I putting in my system? Am I working out, am I not working out? Blech! Can't I just take a nap and watch a marathon of SVU? [Laughs.]

Suzanne Westenhoefer

(Photo by Adam Bouska)

MW: Are you a vegetarian or on any health-conscious diet?

WESTENHOEFER: My sister is a vegetarian, and many of my friends are, of course, 'cause I live in L.A. I'm trying to be wheat-free for a month. Not gluten-free, just wheat-free.

MW: What's the difference?

WESTENHOEFER: I'm not sure the difference between wheat and gluten. I don't have that disease, I'm not allergic to gluten or anything. I just know that some friends of mine in Los Angeles have tried cutting wheat out of their diets, and they find they have a lot more energy, etc. So I'm trying it. I'm willing to give it a whirl for a month or two to see if it really does work.

The thing is: You can't give up. I want to give up; you can't give up. You've got to just give it some time. If you slip, and you drink and you're not supposed to drink, AA doesn't turn to you and say, ''Well, then that's it, you're out of the group! [Laughs.] You've failed! And you're now an alcoholic for life, so forget it!'' So working out, trying to eat right, not smoking, not drinking so much: Whatever your health issues are, you've just got to keep [vigilant], because you don't want to die! Or if we do, we want it to be nice and quick and easy. You know, like getting hit by a car or something like that.

That's the way comedians think, by the way. Comedians are dark. We're horrible people like that. Ask a comedian, ''Do you want to live to be 90?'' ''Fuck no, I won't know anybody!'' Or ask a comedian if they want to live to be 90. ''Only if I can still be doing shows.''

MW: That's a good segue to talk about your career. How many shows are you doing these days? Are you still doing it all the time?

WESTENHOEFER: All the time, yeah. I have no intention of slowing down, I'm not slowing down in any way. As long as people will come out and see me, I will come there to them.

Last year I played the 17th annual Gay and Lesbian Jamboree outside Laramie, Wyo. (Officially, ''Rendezvous: The Rocky Mountain Region's Largest GLBT Camping Event.'') It was awesome! How do you say no to that? Who says no to that?

MW: What made it awesome?

WESTENHOEFER: That there is such a thing as an annual Gay and Lesbian Jamboree 45 minutes outside Laramie, Wyo. Just the fact that that exists, there's no way I'm not going to go.

MW: How many people showed up?

WESTENHOEFER: About 500 people.

MW: Were you the host?

WESTENHOEFER: No, I was the comedian, the Saturday night entertainment. I performed on pieces of plywood laid down on the dirt. It was camping. And when I say camping – there was no running water. Like for real! [Laughs.]

MW: I gather you're not able to be home all that often.

WESTENHOEFER: Well, yes and no. It's kind of weird. I'll go like a couple months when I'm only home for a few days a month, and then I'll go a couple months where I'm home like the whole time except for a few weekend nights. I get to have a pretty normal life. It allows me to keep a cat.

MW: So you have a cat. Any children?

WESTENHOEFER: Not at the moment.

Suzanne Westenhoefer

(Photo by Adam Bouska)

MW: Do you have a partner at home?

WESTENHOEFER: I would prefer not to discuss that right now. [Laughs.] You can Google all that horror.

MW: Well, although you don't have children of your own, childbirth is another health-related issue that has become a bit more prominent in the LGBT community in recent years.

WESTENHOEFER: Oh my God, yeah. I'm old-school: no kids, no marriage. '

MW: You must have friends that do.

WESTENHOEFER: I actually do. On the block right north of me, most of my lesbian friends up there have children, and they all had them at the same time, so they're all turning like 13 right now.

I live on the block with all the gay men who don't have children. It's better for everyone.

MW: The past couple years have also witnessed an uptick in conservative efforts, including in Virginia, to limit women's reproductive health, specifically when it comes to abortion. Do you weigh in on those kinds of political issues?

WESTENHOEFER: I don't talk about a lot of that stuff in my act. I talk about it person-to-person, and if I'm asked to make a speech somewhere. But I'm not a per se political comic in that vein. Not the least of which is, in general, the majority of people who come to see standup really want to laugh. So, unless I can find a real good joke that goes with it, I don't just throw my opinion out there to throw my opinion out there. And there are very talented, extraordinary political comedians who can make great jokes out of that stuff. That is not my forte.

I want the people to laugh. Obviously, I'm very opinionated and I'm very political, and I say a lot of very controversial, politically incorrect things, but I don't know that unless I was in Virginia and doing a show, and news had just happened that morning, and we were talking about it, that I would say much about it. If you've ever seen my full show, you know I'm controversial enough, I don't need to make any more political enemies. I've got enough of them.

MW: From your vantage point, how much progress has the LGBT community made?

WESTENHOEFER: Obviously, we're just way more visible, and I think there's a lot more acceptance. You can't take that away. But to sit back and act like the work is done would be foolish and would be completely wrong. It's a lot easier to be gay in some cities, but I also perform in Kansas, and I perform in Nebraska, and I perform in Alabama and Mississippi. Things have not changed nearly as fast and not as much. There's still a very big schism.

MW: You notice that when you travel around?

WESTENHOEFER: Oh, totally. I think the biggest difference is that it's something we can talk about now. You don't get run out of town, but it's still bad. There are [LGBT] people who lose their children, who lose their jobs. The kids get beat up. This stuff still goes on. And until that kind of thing starts to calm down, and there's a kind of equality in civil rights, it's going to go on. You can't legislate whether or not people are going to be racist. You can't legislate morality. But I do think people's ideals are changing, and I do think part of why the extreme Christian fundamentalist right-type folk are so loud and verbal now is they're seeing that they are losing. They're losing that battle. But that doesn't mean things are going to be great for us for a while, necessarily.

MW: How has your career changed? Do you have more opportunities now than when you were one of the very few openly gay comedians on the scene?

WESTENHOEFER: No. If I had to say the thing that is most different is, when I started in 1990, just by saying I was a lesbian was controversial and was a big deal. Geraldo called and Phil Donahue called. You've got to go on television and talk about it, and it's, ''Oh my goodness!'' And now there's a lot less of that.

MW: It doesn't have the shock value that it once had.

WESTENHOEFER: And I'm good with that. 'Cause I just want to do my show, you know what I mean? I don't want to have, the first 15 minutes, people passing out or freaking out just 'cause I said I was gay.

MW: Is your family back in Lancaster County, Pa., supportive of your career? Are they fans of your comedy?

WESTENHOEFER: They are. I have a show coming up in Lancaster County in April, in a small town called Ephrata. And all my old babysitters, and the last guy I dated, and everybody – my old cousins and great-great uncles – will come.

MW: I guess you've kept in touch with the last guy you dated.

WESTENHOEFER: Uh, a little bit, yep.

MW: Is that awkward?

WESTENHOEFER: No, he's married and stuff, has kids. [Laughs.] We're all old now!

Suzanne Westenhoefer serves as special guest emcee at Mautner Project's Spring Gala, Saturday, March 9, starting at 5 p.m. at the Omni Shoreham Hotel, 2500 Calvert St. NW. Tickets are $225, or $275 with VIP Reception beforehand featuring Westenhoefer, complimentary wine and hors d'oeuvres. Call 202-332-5536 or visit gala.mautnerproject.org.

The Mautner Project has earned its party. Away from all the daily chaos and hoopla of Capitol Hill and iWatch whispers, the ''National Lesbian Health Organization'' has been growing and evolving to meet the needs of so many, often those who receive the most traumatic news and are left to fight the big battles in relative obscurity as the rest of society goes about its ''Honey Boo Boo'' business.

''We've managed to do a few things this year that we're very pleased with,'' says Executive Director Leslie Calman. While sequestration and the Violence Against Women Act orbit the conversation, neither having an immediate or direct impact on the organization, Calman focuses on the personal. She shares the story of CAMP Mautner Cares, which will be a big part of Mautner's Saturday, March 9, gala, aka ''Washington's Premier Women's Event.''

Leslie Calman

(Photo by Todd Franson)

''There is a woman, a supporter of Mautner Project, Georgette Krenkel,'' Calman explains. ''She had just moved from Washington to Rehoboth Beach. Within three months of moving there, she learned she had cancer.''

After her diagnosis, hearing that frightening word, Krenkel turned to one of the few people she knew in her new home on Delaware's Atlantic coast, Janet Redman.

''Janet immediately emailed everyone she knew, got on the phone and quickly mobilized a group of volunteers to help Georgette,'' Calman continues. ''We were just providing some moral support and a little bit of technical help. But while that was going on, Janet and a group of other women thought, 'We can't just do this on an ad hoc basis. Why don't we start something like Mautner Project here?'''

And so they did, thanks to ''one of the easiest collaborations'' with CAMP Rehoboth, the longstanding nonprofit that is the heartbeat of the beach town's LGBT community. That acronym, ''Creating A More Positive'' Rehoboth, has turned out to be a great fit with Mautner Project as CAMP Mautner Cares.

''Our client services director, Jacquetta Brooks, has gone there several times to do trainings of volunteers,'' Calman says. ''There is one staff member at CAMP Rehoboth and there are some volunteers who are professionally able to help at a higher level. One is a retired doctor, one is a retired social worker. We've sort of recreated a whole client-services program in Rehoboth, Lewes and Milton. Because it's with CAMP, it's LGBT; there are men who are our clients. We already have seven clients in Rehoboth.''

And come Saturday night, Janet Redman will be celebrated as Mautner's Volunteer of the Year. Less directly, Mautner will also be celebrating other new partnerships. With George Washington University's Jacobs Institute of Women's Health, Mautner is fighting obesity among lesbians, helping them find support for healthier living and get gym memberships. There's also a partnership with Whitman-Walker Health, with the two organizations creating PALS – ''People Advocating for LGBT Seniors'' – which pairs LGBT seniors with volunteers who visit with them to counter social isolation and otherwise see that their needs are being met.

''Because we are small, in order to do lots of things we need to create partnerships, so we've been pursuing that,'' say Calman. With a laugh, she shares the secret of that success: ''We've either been charming or lucky. Maybe charming and lucky.''

On a more serious note, Calman emphasizes that to keep the good work going, Mautner Project is in need of more volunteers, particularly those who might be able to offer rides to clients.

''We've had a recent influx of people who need some really intensive driving,'' she explains. ''They've got chemo and radiation needs, so we need some new drivers.

''Everybody who works here really cares about the mission, cares about the people we serve and I think it's fair to say love what they do. It is a great place to work. It is a great place to volunteer, for the same reason.'''

"[It] was pretty much just bears in bars,'' Matt Bearracuda says of the bear scene in San Francisco. ''It was a little too conservative and a bit boring for me.''

A native of the Bay Area, Bearracuda figured San Francisco could use a monthly bear dance party, "where people are actually having a good time rather than sitting in the corner, drinking a beer [and] nobody smiling.''

John LePage

The resulting party, Bearracuda, was such a hit, Matt adopted it as his last name. And he started throwing the party at clubs around the world. Over the past several years Bearracuda has touched down in 35 cities. This Saturday, March 9, the party stops for a second time in D.C., at Cobalt, where San Francisco-based DJ John LePage will spin house tunes.

Bearracuda counts Bob Mould, who also lives in San Francisco, as a good friend, but was less inspired for his party by Mould's Blowoff than by other, straight events he's seen in San Francisco and beyond.

''I've worked in the gay scene since '96,'' Bearracuda says. ''I've seen and done pretty much everything that anyone could do in a gay club, from entertainment to working the door to coat check, helping with promotion, things like that.'' Visions of go-go dancing sprung to mind, but that's not the kind of entertainment Bearracuda meant. After a little prodding, he confesses, ''I used to be a drag queen, a drag performer for almost 15 years.'' Unfortunately, he refuses to share his drag name. ''I can't tell you that," he laughs.

Surprisingly, Bearracuda also doesn't identify as a bear. ''I'm a tall, skinny guy,'' he says. ''I do have a beard. But I'm more of a bear chaser.''

With Bearracuda, you might say he gets to fulfill that role, chasing bears in their natural habitats.

Bearracuda is Saturday, March 9, at Cobalt, 1639 R St. NW. Cover is $7 before 10 p.m., or $10 after. Call 202-232-4416 or visit cobaltdc.com.

Feeling a tad lackluster in the set department, director/designer and costumer John Pascoe's interpretation of Puccini's Manon Lescaut seems to have lost some burnish since its WNO premiere in 2004. With Act 1's giant staircase, skewed mirrors and a lot of A.C. Moore-style foliage, the feel is more diorama than late 1770s French village, even if the aristocratic bust-atop-plinth delivers a pleasingly sinister vibe. Matters improve with the austerity of Act 2's grand boudoir and the surreal touches of Act 4's desert, but such visual unevenness isn't the best choice for an already choppy narrative.

And choppy it is, for Puccini and his librettists (a series of whom came and went during the project) sought to differentiate this opera from Massenet's previous (and very successful) version. Though it is succinct, it wants for flow. And though Pascoe's attempts to bring cohesion are thoughtful, first by suggesting events emerge from the pages of the novel upon which the opera is based and then in the movement of the intermezzo to a more emotionally interesting place, both feel more grafted than natural. Matters are not helped when, in the opening moments of the third act harbor scene, the action is so oddly choreographed as to dampen an otherwise potent pace.

Washington Nation Opera's Manon Lescaut

(Photo by Scott Suchman)

But it's hard to fault Pascoe. Manon is, without doubt, a fickle younger sister to the more musically and theatrically iconic heroines of Puccini's later works and it will forever be, despite its genius, a genius-in-progress.

And it starts with a plot in need of further explanation (that was likely in the book). Already spotted by the elderly, wealthy and predatory Geronte de Ravoir, the coy and beautiful Manon entrances the young and impoverished writer, Chevalier Renato des Grieux, whom she has only just met. Evading Geronte, the two run away to Paris. Lescaut, Manon's opportunistic brother, nevertheless encourages Geronte to pursue his sister knowing she will soon tire of Renato's poverty.

With no reference at all to the lovers' life in Paris or Manon's betrayal of it, Act 2 opens with her fully installed in Geronte's fabulous home and already bored and repelled by everything except his wealth. Thus, when she pines for Renato, it's somewhat hard to understand why – is she diva-bored or genuinely conflicted?

When Lescaut arranges a secret meeting between the lovers, they are quick to reunite but Geronte is soon on to them and any chance of escape is partly hampered by Manon's scrabbling for jewels too cumbersome to carry. Geronte's revenge is Manon's exile to a penal colony in Louisiana. After a desperate plea at the dock, Renato is allowed to join her on the voyage. Though the lovers make it to the New World, they soon (if inexplicably) find themselves lost in a desert where Manon succumbs to the elements, but not before, in something of a dehydrated delirium, she expresses her love for Renato and regret for her foolish ways.

But despite her 11th hour cri de coeur, without the guilelessness of a Mimi or a Cio-Cio San or the honor of a Tosca, Manon can never reach the sweet spot of operatic tragedy. That's a tough road to hoe for an opera without a happy ending.

Having said that, Puccini nonetheless delivers with majestic dimension the charms of Manon's piquant ways, the velvety evocations of passion between the lovers, and her later recognitions of loss. It's a magic that gathers and gains, even if its true power comes later in Boheme, Tosca and Butterfly.

Really, it's for the music and what can be drawn from it that one comes to Manon. And, as with any Puccini, it is to hear what the soprano can make of it. Debuting in the role, vocally Patricia Racette delivers what Puccini requires: the song of the cosmic siren. Utterly simpatico, she sings from somewhere deep in the universe in a voice that has seen the stars on its way to the soul. Rich and gorgeous in tone, Racette delivers depth and dimension and owns the aural space. As an exceptionally expressive and credible actor, even if she might need some more time with the character, she finds all that is charming and compelling in Manon. As such, she allows the suggestion that perhaps her addiction to wealth is more practical than greedy and her final respect for love, the blooming of a nascent wisdom versus a Kardashian-style reinvention.

And although this production belongs to Racette, her job would be much harder without a convincing Renato. Looking the part and generating some convincing fervor, tenor Kamen Chanev evokes at least some of what the truncated story does not show. And though he took a little time getting there, a slightly robotic delivery later gave way to some pleasingly bold high notes and an attractively virile tone as Renato's passion, and later despair, heightens.

Nicely understated but nevertheless charismatic, baritone Giorgio Caoduro made for a convincing Lescaut and sang with a pleasing density. And as the geriatric Geronte, bass-baritone Jake Gardner sang expressively and layered his aristocrat with equal measures of entitlement, menace and powdered creepiness. Bringing much subtlety but plenty of power when necessary, conductor Philippe Auguin had the WNO orchestra in fine form.

Manon may never be a heroically tragic heroine, but she will, for all eternity, live her short – if nearly frivolous – life in the hands of one of opera's greatest composers. When sung by a soprano of Racette's caliber, it's a story not to be missed.

Did you know? Washington, D.C., circa the 1980s was a hotbed of pop music, helping germinate two very distinct strands of sound. There was hardcore punk rock, led by Ian MacKaye and his bands, from Minor Threat to Fugazi, and the funk variant known as go-go, popularized by Chuck Brown and including bands E.U. and Rare Essence.

12 Hardcore 7'' records

(Photo by Aaron Farley)

''Both of those cultures were booking their own shows, finding their own practice spaces, doing everything themselves,'' Roger Gastman says. ''And both of them were surviving completely separate of each other'' – one appealing to mostly white, mostly suburban youth, the other, black, urban young adults. But Gastman, a Bethesda native who now lives in Los Angeles, has conjoined these cultural threads for a new exhibition at the Corcoran Gallery of Art, ''Pump Me Up,'' which takes its name from a song by go-go band Trouble Funk. ''The show is really a huge celebration of do-it-yourself culture,'' says Gastman, who built the exhibit around the many artifacts and ephemera he started collecting soon after he caught his first punk show in 1991 at the 9:30 Club. It should be noted that the club, in its original F Street location downtown, was a hub for both funk and punk scenes.

The exhibit includes work by the infamous D.C. graffiti artist known as Cool Disco Dan, also the subject of a new documentary Gastman has produced, The Legend of Cool Disco Dan. There is nothing in the show that you could call specifically gay, however. ''I know the [original] 9:30 Club, and especially before it was the 9:30 Club, when it was the Atlantis building, there were a lot of artists squatting there that came out of the gay community, or were very gay friendly,'' Gastman explains. ''But as far as pinpointing anything specific, no.''

Yet there was a general outsider-vibe and a sense of rebellion in both subcultures that gays can identify with. Both, says Gastman, appeal ''to so many different scenes and so many different people and feelings. Which is so great.'' '

Pump Me Up: D.C. Subculture of the 1980s is on exhibit until April 7 at the Corcoran Gallery of Art, 500 17th St. NW. Tickets are $10. Call 202-639-1700 or visit corcoran.org.

There's something rotten in the state of Oz. It reeks of the billable hour, the legal retainer, the foul stench of litigation. Yes, that fiend of fiends – the Hollywood attorney – has conquered the Emerald City.

You'll see no ruby slippers in Oz The Great and Powerful, director Sam Raimi's severely unofficial prequel to The Wizard of Oz. Ditto the iconic look of the Wicked Witch of the West; under fear of copyright infringement, her skin tone has been teased and tinkered into a puerile greenish hue. The Munchkins look just different enough to satisfy the vigilant legal team at Warner Brothers, the studio that owns the rights to the 1939 classic. (Alas, the Lollipop Guild didn't make the cut.) Even those fearsome flying monkeys – the source of untold childhood nightmares – had to be reinvented as winged baboon monstrosities. If Dorothy Gale arrived in this litigious-minded Oz, she'd immediately be hauled off to the high court for involuntary witch slaughter. Or, at the very least, she'd be slapped with a tersely worded reprimand from the Emerald City Zoning Authority.

Oz the Great and Powerful

The only great addition in Oz The Great and Powerful might be the movie's opening title sequence. It's a lovely sort of vaudeville-meets-3D anachronism, designed by visual-effects whiz Garson Yu, which Raimi eagerly runs with by way of a black-and-white palette in the first act. As the movie begins, a small-time magician named Oscar "Oz" Diggs (James Franco) is wasting away in a traveling circus at the turn of the century, seducing naive farm girls between performances. Diggs aspires to be a "great" man – Kansas already has too many good men, he quips – the sort of inventor who matters to the world. That dream is interrupted, however, by a cuckolded strongman who chases him up into a hot air balloon. Diggs escapes the muscled threat, only to be promptly sucked into a tornado. When his tattered balloon finally crashes – well, you know how it goes. He's not in Kansas anymore.

In Oz – full-color Oz, naturally – Diggs meets a witch named Theodora (Mila Kunis), who claims he is the wizard prophesized to restore peace and ascend to the throne of the Emerald City. In the series of interminable scenes that follow, he wins Theodora's heart, befriends a flying monkey (Zach Braff), saves a porcelain girl (Joey King), meets Glinda (Michelle Williams), and learns the terrible truth about the witches' sister Evanora (Rachel Weisz). He's not exactly the man behind the curtain yet, but he's well on his way.

Franco thrives as this over-the-top pretender – he is, if nothing else, a talented poseur. His wizard-to-be is a shameless cad, and to his credit, Franco straddles the line between creep and charmer quite well. The women who fall for him, however, have little depth and suffer unbelievable decisions. Kunis snaps between foolish innocence and blinding rage so quickly, seeming more a sad-sack Wicked rip-off than a character worth pitying. Williams and Weisz, on the other hand, chew up scenery and seem to have fun. This is a far cry from their usual Oscar-worthy performances, but it's enough to entertain for a few minutes at a time.

The same can be said for Raimi's direction. At rare times, the sequences in Oz the Great and Powerful are a thrilling reminder of the frenzied panic he creates even in the most mainstream of movies. The tornado scene is simply Raimi at his trademark best. The rest? Not so much. If the Wizard of Oz was sugary sweet, Oz the Great and Powerful is mired in fructose – it's syrupy, artificial, and most definitely terrible for your health. He's made the Cinnabon of movies.

Raimi probably knows it, too. At times, Glinda is effectively his stand-in, delivering fluttery lines that reaffirm the unwavering strength of a faithful audience. "When we do believe," she tells Diggs, "anything is possible."

Take my word for it: You won't, so it isn't.

''This time we're really excited because we get to be in an actual theater,'' Mara Levi says. The past two years at the Atlas Intersections Festival, Levi's band The Pushovers has performed in the lobby, where they had to watch their volume. ''We're a rock band and we like to be loud,'' she says.

The Pushovers

(Photo by K.K. Ottesen)

So the third time is definitely the charm for The Pushovers, who graduate to a full-fledged show this Saturday, March 9, in the Atlas Performing Arts Center's Lang Theatre. In fact, 2013 is shaping up to be a big one for the sharp trio of Levi, Nancy Eddy and Liz DeRoche. Several years since forming what they call a ''smart-pop folk-rock band,'' the three singer-songwriters have just launched a Kickstarter campaign to raise money for the band's first album, due later this year. A clear sign of The Pushovers' appeal: Just over a week into a month-long campaign, the band is already over $3,500 into its $10,000 Kickstarter goal.

The band's delayed debut is one consequence of the fact that, as Levi puts it, ''We're a long-distance band.'' While all three met while living in D.C., Eddy has since moved to Baltimore and Levi to Brooklyn to be with her wife.

At the Atlas, Levi says, ''We're hoping to have some drag queens and other folks do some fun performance-art things with some of the music that we're doing,'' including ''Boy or Girl,'' the band's It Gets Better Project song, with affirming, cute video.

Levi, who by day teaches high school chorus and musical theater, says the band should sound in top form, too. ''We will be very much on top of all of our harmonies and all of our parts because we have been recording feverishly and therefore practicing them over and over and over and over.'' '

The Pushovers performs Saturday, March 9, at 5:30 p.m., followed by an ''Out@Intersections'' Happy Hour in the Kogod Lobby. Atlas Performing Arts Center, 1333 H St. NE. Tickets are $10 to $15. Call 202-399-7993 or visit atlasarts.org and intersectionsdc.org.

About 20 days ago, a blazing meteorite tore through our atmosphere and exploded over Russia. This was a minor rock, relatively speaking, didn't even see it coming. We had our eyes on ''DA14,'' the much bigger threat that happened to be flying by on the same day and which could've inflicted vastly more damage than its little unnamed cousin did. Still, with about a thousand injuries, I don't think I would find the former at all minor if I'd spent Feb. 15 in a Russian clinic having the glass of a blown-out window extracted from my flesh.

Looking in the other direction, about 20 days forward to March 26, that's the date for opening arguments in Hollingsworth v. Perry, the case challenging California's law against marriage equality. The National Organization for Marriage is marking the occasion – along with the usual suspects – with the March for Marriage.

Comparing both points on this timeline, one can't help but think of the absurdly misplaced attention of these folks. These are godly people. If falling skies aren't a celestial poke that their priorities are woefully out of whack, what is?

If I try to imagine the perspective of someone who last month had to at least contemplate our insignificance in the cosmos and the fact that material is hurtling around that same cosmos and could smash into us just as easily as did the Russian rock, yet this is where they choose to focus their energies, I am stumped.

Almost anything is more important than blocking marriage equality. I can understand why marriage is important for those of us trying to get it. But those against? Seriously, what gives?

I have considered that this is a religious war for you. You may believe this is what God expects of you. Somehow, of all the injustice in the world, of all the pain and suffering, of the hunger, the disease, the poverty and misery, this is where you believe you are being called to direct your attention.

''Just one of many righteous battles,'' you may counter. ''I can chew gum and block equality at the same time.''

I still can't believe you don't think that you have something better to do. I know you must have something better to do, and I don't even know you. But I can look around and it's obvious that you are fighting windmills. Granting that faith is what it is, I'd suggest you pray against marriage equality. I don't mind that. I'd say the same to someone looking at a house on fire and praying for all the inhabitants to be rescued, for the fire to be extinguished. By all means, pray for that. But don't get on your knees and start that prayer circle in everybody's way. Don't get between the house and the hoses. Your God is an awesome God who shouldn't care that you're not blocking the way. So just pray, righteously as all get out – over there, out of the way.

This is about the extent of my pity, however. You have a fixation that strikes me as entirely unhealthy. In my scant reading of holy texts, seems to me that God, in whatever form he or she takes for you, won't throw many divine points your way for trying to block marriage equality when you could be doing something useful – healing the sick, helping the poor, feeding the hungry possibly.

But meteorites and asteroids and injured inhabitants of the Urals remind me of how fragile our existence is, how we are all one species that I would like to see continue past the point the dinosaurs got to. It's enough to compel me to take a moment and implore you, ''Get a life.'' I'm only going to take the moment, however, because I already have one.

Will O'Bryan is Metro Weekly's managing editor. Reach him at wobryan@MetroWeekly.com.

Witty, creative and analytical, Aaron isn't one for dull conversation. The Indiana native first came to the District to attend Gallaudet, where he studied sign language interpretation and has been working as an interpreter for almost two years. In a departure from that day-to-day world, Aaron may be the man you want on your side if the world suddenly experiences a zombie apocalypse, as a lighthearted ''what if'' game with his friends has turned into what he calls an ''awkward'' hobby of strategizing. When he's not saving the future from flesh-eating ghouls, he likes to go to JR.'s for Thursday drink specials and Town on Fridays for Bear Happy Hour.

What's on your nightstand? Multiple alarm clocks, to make sure I wake up in the morning.

Coverboy: Aaron

(Photo by Julian Vankim)

What's in your nightstand drawer? My nightstand is actually my windowsill. Condoms are kept in the second drawer of the dresser. My desk is cluttered, with maybe a glass of Jameson from the night before – I'm a big whiskey fan.

What are your television favorites? The Walking Dead. Once in a while I'll watch The Big Bang Theory or one of the time-consuming shows on the Discovery or History channels.

What was your favorite cartoon when you were a kid? A tie between Rocko's Modern Life and Animaniacs.

What superhero would you be? Phoenix – from X-Men comic books, not the movie – in male form, of course. The telekinetic power to mold or shape anything, obliterate anything, would be great.

Who's your greatest influence? My grandmother. She was the one who taught me how to be calm and composed, no matter what stress came in, and how to be cheerful, no matter what kind of situation came up.

What's your greatest fear? Solitude.

Pick three people, living or dead, who you think would make the most fascinating dinner guests imaginable. George Takei, for comedy. Stephen Hawking for scientific discussion. For philosophical discussion, I'd probably go for Mahatma Gandhi.

Coverboy: Aaron

(Photo by Julian Vankim)

What would you serve? A copious amount of red wine, fried calamari and a smorgasbord of breakfast items.

How would you describe your dream guy? Intelligent, funny, piercing blue or green eyes, preferably my height – 5'11'' – or taller, built but not ripped, big heart, big smile.

Define good in bed. Someone who's agile, willing to explore and try new things, flexible, and who can give as well as they receive.

Who should star in a movie about your life? Orlando Bloom.

Who was your first celebrity crush? Devon Sawa.

Who gets on your nerves? The person I like to call the leech, who just drains your energy.

If your home was burning, what's the first thing you'd grab while leaving? My iPad.

What's your biggest turn-on? My two favorite spots on the male body are between the collarbone and the neck; and right below the hip, at the V-line.

What's your biggest turn-off? A tongue in my ear.

What's something you've always wanted to do but haven't yet tried? Skydiving in a wingsuit.

Coverboy: Aaron

(Photo by Julian Vankim)

What's something you've tried that you never want to do again? High school.

Boxers, briefs or other? Boxer-briefs.

Who's your favorite musical artist? Incubus.

What's your favorite website? Kuvaton.com. It's random collections of funny GIFs.

What's the most unusual place you've had sex? In a tree.

How did that work? It was rather awkward. You get positioned on some lower-hanging branches and make sure you don't fall. Luckily, most people never look up.

What position do you play in the big baseball game of life? Pitcher.

What's your favorite retail store? Banana Republic. But I shop at Express more, because I have a credit card there.

What's the most you'll spend on a haircut? About $30.

What about on shoes? $200.

Coverboy Aaron

(Photo by Julian Vankim)

What's your favorite food to splurge with? Chinese.

What's your favorite season? Spring, because things are starting to bloom and blossom. Green is my favorite color, and I like when things are alive and not dreary.

What kind of animal would you be? A wolf.

What kind of plant would you be? An oak tree. Common, but strong.

What kind of car would you be? Doesn't matter as long as it's a stick-shift.

What are you most grateful for? That there's no limitations to what we can do as long as we're alive.

What's something you want more of? Technology. More ability to explore space and the universe.

State your life philosophy in 10 words or less. Be free, love others, but avoid causing pain.

Whitman-Walker Health, the local nonprofit community health center that specializes in HIV-related and LGBT care, announced today that it will present Sen. Tammy Baldwin (D-Wis.) with its annual Partner for Life award for her efforts at achieving better access health care for the LGBT community and people living with HIV/AIDS.

The Partner for Life award, given at Whitman-Walker's annual spring fundraiser, ''Be the Care,'' has in the past honored others who have crusaded on behalf of the LGBT and HIV/AIDS communities, including former President Bill Clinton, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius, the MAC AIDS Fund and Poz magazine.

''Senator Baldwin has been a great champion for improving access to high-quality, cost-effective health care for everyone, particularly those living with HIV/AIDS and the LGBT community,'' Don Blanchon, Whitman-Walker's executive director said in a press release announcing the award. ''We are so grateful to have Senator Baldwin as a powerful and positive voice in the fight for health equity.''

''I am deeply honored by this recognition and proud of the work Whitman-Walker Health does to provide quality health care services for the community,'' Baldwin said in a statement. ''For 35 years, Whitman-Walker Health has helped to break down barriers to accessing care, making sure that those in need do not fall through the cracks. We share a common commitment to improving access to high-quality, cost-effective health care for all Americans, including the LGBT community and people living with HIV/AIDS.''

The spring gala, celebrating the organization's 20th year, is being co-chaired by Reggie Van Lee, the executive vice president of Booz Allen Hamilton; and Ceci Connolly, managing director of PwC's Health Research Institute, a former reporter for The Washington Post and a member of Whitman-Walker's board of directors. All money raised goes toward providing health care services to the community health center's clients.

''In all my years reporting on health issues, I have rarely encountered an organization with Whitman-Walker's superior one, two punch of first-rate care and commitment to community,'' Connolly said in March 7 release. ''While much of the nation is just coming around to concepts such as coordinated, integrated care, Whitman-Walker is delivering it to thousands each day. We are so pleased that Sen. Baldwin and so many fine leaders in the community are standing with us to meet what is sadly a large and growing need in the region.''

Whitman-Walker Health’s spring fundraiser is being held on Thursday, April 18, at the National Museum of Women in the Arts, 1250 New York Ave. NW. Tickets, $150, may be purchased online at whitman-walker.org/bethecare.

Spa World, the suburban Centreville, Va., Korean-style spa at the center of a public-relations storm in recent days following news surfacing of a November incident in which it asked a patron, Riya Suising, to leave due to complaints of her perceived gender identity, posted a statement on Facebook Wednesday in an attempt to further clarify its policy regarding LGBT patrons.

Unfortunately for the business, the March 6 statement repeats confusing language it has previously used. As a result, the statement has fallen short of being the last word on the matter.

Suising says she agreed to leave the spa after obtaining a refund, though later filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau (BBB) of Metro Washington, D.C. and Eastern Pennsylvania. The BBB undertook an investigation into the incident, at which point it asked Spa World about any policy regarding LGBT patrons. Spa World's CEO and president, Sang Lee, issued a written statement that, among other things, called homosexuality ''abnormal,'' seemed to imply that LGBT people are more likely than others to engage in licentious behavior, and stated that the spa would not accept LGBT patrons.

The story of the incident and the spa's response to the investigation broke Feb. 22 on FairfaxTimes.com. But a week later, March 1, the story gained traction in social media, prompting outrage from the area's LGBT community, a significant portion of Spa World's customer base.

Local residents – gay and straight alike – shared the story via Facebook, tweeted statements criticizing Spa World and posted negative reviews on the business's Yelp page. Several patrons told Metro Weekly that they had received refunds from the discount-offers website Groupon, which had offered special packages for Spa World day passes. Activists also launched various petitions urging the business to change its policies.

On Monday, March 4, a spa spokesman told Metro Weekly that the business does not discriminate based on gender or sexual orientation. A different spokesman also told the Washington City Paper that the confusion over the spa's policy was due to a miscommunication stemming from a Korean-English language barrier.

In its March 6 statement, Spa World reiterated its apology to Suising for asking her to leave and attributed its earlier response to the BBB to the aforementioned language barrier.

''To state our policy, Spa World do not discriminate against any groups, and we never will,'' said Lee, writing on behalf of the spa. ''Also, Spa World do not discriminate against the LGBT community nor have we ever in the past. What we do is to enforce a very strict policy of prohibiting public obscenities and misbehavior in the facility. … We want to clarify that we never discriminate [against] our customers based on gender, sexual orientation, race or physical appearance; however we have rights to demand customers to leave our facility by breaking our policy of misbehavior in the facility.''

Within hours of its posting, Spa World's Facebook page received hundreds of comments, with some continuing to criticize the business for implying Suising was engaging in some sort of misbehavior, and others supporting the spa by saying that the LGBT community was complaining too much, some making derogatory comments about LGBT people, and others charging that Suising has male genitalia.

Suising herself responded to the spa's post by thanking the spa for trying to clarify its policy. But she also pointed out that the latest apology statement included seemingly contradictory statements.

''Yes, you did apologize many times, including directly to me during my visit,'' Suising wrote. ''But the apology was for the inconvenience of removing me due to customer complaints. By your policy you state that you will remove customers due to inappropriate behavior. Please clarify what inappropriate behavior I demonstrated during my visit.''

Suising also stated that she did not believe she behaved inappropriately, pointing out that she did show her ID to management at the time of the incident to prove she is female.

''Your recent statement to Mike Conneen of WJLA-TV on March 2 said, 'When [Conneen] asked Mr. Lee how he would handle the same situation if it happened again he said, ''He would still ask Suising to leave, but if she refused, he'd allow her to stay,''''' Suising pointed out. ''This sounds like I would still be asked to leave again if other customers complained about my appearance, which seems to contradict your policy of removal due to inappropriate behavior. Actually, I would consider customers disparaging other customers about their appearance to be a form of harassment or inappropriate behavior.''

Neither Virginia law nor Fairfax County codes offer protections for LGBT people in public accommodations based on either sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. Groups like LGBT-rights organization Equality Virginia and the progressive Virginia New Majority have used the Spa World incident to call on state and local politicians to provide nondiscrimination protections for LGBT people in employment, credit, housing and public accommodations.

March

Amsterdam Gay & Lesbian Film Festival Through March 24 rozefilmdagen.nl

Autre Regard Film Festival Mulhouse, Alsace, France March 17-24 gaymulhouse.fr

The Black Party New York March 23-24 saintatlarge.com

Alegria Xtreme XIII New York March 24 alegriaevents.com

European Snow Pride Tignes, France March 23-30 europeansnowpride.com

Bearcelona Barcelona, Spain March 27-April 1 bearcelona.org

White Party Palm Springs, Calif. March 29-31 jeffreysanker.com

Gay Easter Parade New Orleans March 31 gayeasterparade.com

Atlantis Singapore to Hong Kong Cruise Celebrity Millennium March 31-April 11 atlantisevents.com

April

Dinah Shore Weekend Palm Springs, Calif. April 3-7 thedinah.com

Pied Piper Hawaii Cruise via San Diego Celebrity Century April 3-18 piedpipertravel.com

Las Vegas Smokeout April 4-7 lasvegassmokeout.com

Gay Snow Happening Sölden, Sweden April 6-13 soelden.com

Miami Beach Gay Pride April 8-14 miamibeachgaypride.com

Rubbout Vancouver April 12-14 rubbout.com

Brand g Ecuador/Galapagos Tour April 12-22 brandgvacations.com

Al and Chuck Bermuda & Bahamas Cruise via Fort Lauderdale MSC Poesia April 13-20 alandchuck.travel

Pacific Pride Foundation's Royal Ball Santa Barbara, Calif. April 13 pacificpridefoundation.org

Miami Pride Cruise Bahamas, via Miami Norwegian Sky April 15-19 sourceevents.com

Chubs in Paradise Fort Lauderdale, Fla. April 18-20 chubsinparadise.com

Pied Piper Transatlantic Cruise Fort Lauderdale, Fla., to Southampton, U.K. Celebrity Eclipse April 20-May 3 piedpipertravel.com

Gay Pride Phuket Phuket, Thailand April 22-28 phuket-pride.org

Cleveland Leather Awareness (CLAW) April 25-28 clawinfo.org

Dallas Purple Party Weekend April 26-29 purplefoundation.org

Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival April 26-May 5 mglff.com

Club Atlantis Cancun Cancun, Mexico April 27-May 4 atlantisevents.com

Sleazy Madrid April 30-May 5 sleazymadrid.com

May 

Kashish, Mumbai International Film Festival May, dates TBA Mumbai, India mumbaiqueerfest.com

Pink Loerie Knysna, South Africa May 1-5 pinkloerie.co.za

International Bears Meeting Sitges, Spain May 1-5 bearssitgesclub.org

Urban Bear Weekend New York May 2-5 theurbanbear.com

Tulsa Growl Tulsa, Okla. May 3-5 tulsagrowl.com

Prime Timers Western Regional Gathering Las Vegas May 5-9 lasvegasprimetimers.com

Pied Piper Wine and Pacific Coast Cruise Ensenda, Mexico, to Seattle Celebrity Solstice May 6-15 piedpipertravel.com

Gay Pride Maspalomas Maspalomas, Gran Canaria, Spain May 4-12 gaypridemaspalomas.com

Amsterdam Fetish Pride May 9-12 amsterdamfetishpride.com

Olivia 40th Anniversary Punta Cana I Punta Cana, Mexico May 11-18 olivia.com

Bear Pride Paris May 7-12 fierteoursparis.com

Beach Bear Weekend Fort Lauderdale, Fla. May 8-13 beachbearweekend.com

Spring Bear Awakening: Paws for Poz Collins, Ga. May 9-12 southeastbearsandkubs.com

Cologne Fetish Pride Cologne, Germany May 16-20 rheinfetisch.de

Chubfest Palm Springs, Calif. May 17-19 chubsrule.com

Paris International Tournament May 17-20 paris-tournament.com

Olivia Alaska Adventure Cruise via Seattle National Geographic Sea Lion May 18-25 olivia.com

Olivia 40th Anniversary Punta Cana II Punta Cana, Mexico May 18-25 olivia.com

Belgian Pride Brussels May 18 thepride.be

Long Beach Pride Long Beach, Calif. May 18-19 longbeachpride.com

Eilat Pride Eilat, Israel May 23-26 pride.org.il

Bear Pride: Sleepover in Chicago May 24-27 bearpride.org

International Mr. Leather Chicago May 24-27 imrl.com

Matinee Las Vegas Festival May 24-27 matineevegas.com

Sizzle Miami May 23-28 sizzleevents.com

Birmingham Pride Birmingham, U.K. May 25-26 birminghampride.com

As One in the Park London May 26 asoneinthepark.co.uk

Gay Days Orlando Orlando, Fla. May 28-June 3 gaydays.com

Tidal Wave Weekend Orlando, Fla. May 30-June 2 tidalwaveparty.com

Sao Paulo Gay Pride May 30-June 3 gaypridebrazil.org

Wonder World Orlando, Fla. May 30-June 3 wonderworldorlando.com

Boston Pride May 31-June 9 bostonpride.org

June

Honolulu Pride June 1 honoluluprideparade.blogspot.com

Zurich Pride Festival June 1-9 zurichpridefestival.ch

Tel Aviv Gay Pride Tel Aviv, Israel June 2-8 gaytlvguide.com

La Demence Cruise Greece and Israel, via Athens Pullmantur Zenith June 3-10 lademence-cruise.com

Key West PrideFest June 5-9 keywestpride.org

Los Angeles Pride June 7-9 lapride.org

Athens Pride Athens, Greece June 8 athenspride.eu

Razzle Dazzle Dallas June 8 razzledazzledallas.org

Motor City Pride Detroit June 8-9 motorcitypride.org

Philly Gay Pride June 9 phillypride.org

Vienna Gay Pride Vienna, Austria June 11-16 viennapride.at

Gay Pride Sitges Sitges, Spain June 13-17 gaysitgespride.com

Rhode Island Pride Providence, R.I. June 14-15 prideri.com

Portland Pride Portland, Ore. June 15-16 pridenw.org

Stadtfest Berlin Lesbian and Gay City Festival June 15-16 regenbogenfonds.de

Shanghai Pride June 15-22 shpride.com

Bearcelona Mediterranean Cruise France and Italy, via Barcelona, Spain Royal Caribbean Liberty of the Seas June 16-23 bearcelona.org

Gay Pride Barcelona Barcelona, Spain June 21-30 pridebarcelona.org

Gay Pride Dublin June 21-30 dublinpride.ie

Gay Pride Houston June 21-30 pridehouston.org

Gay Pride Toronto June 21-30 pridetoronto.com

Skeive dager (Oslo Gay Pride) Oslo, Norway June 21-30 skeivedager.no

Berlin Christopher Street Day June 22 csd-berlin.de

Fantasypride June 22 Brühl, Germany fantasypride.de

Folsom Street East New York June 23 folsomstreeteast.org

The airline business is pretty bumpy. Once upon a time, Pan Am and TWA might have been the big dogs at Dulles International Airport. In the not-so-distant past, you might have caught a Continental or Swissair flight out of Dulles, though they are no more. Even the ones that do stick around are hard to hold onto, like Icelandair moving from Baltimore-Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport (BWI) to Dulles.

But when God closes the cabin door, in some way she opens a Jetway – or something like that.

First up – and at the luxe end of the spectrum – is Etihad Airways, national airline of the United Arab Emirates, which will start daily flights March 31 between Dulles and its hub, Abu Dhabi. Voted ''World's Leading Airline'' by the people behind the World Travel Awards, Etihad is a far cry from cramped knees and stale food. The new route opens more of the world to Washington. Note to same-sex couples: Don't make out in public during your U.A.E. layover. Actually, the same goes for you unmarried straight couples.

Another new face coming to Dulles, though not till the very end of the season, is Brussels Airlines, with five flights a week to Brussels starting June 18. In a city thick with United Airlines/US Airways Star Alliance devotees, another Star Alliance option – particularly with a couple inches of legroom above the standard – is always welcome.

Finally, Condor's seasonal service of flights from BWI to Frankfurt, Germany, takes off June 20. That service is scheduled to end Sept. 12. It's a lower-cost option, but one that also offers a reasonable premium-economy product.

Imagine yourself at sea on a lovely cruise ship. Not bad, right? Now imagine the next port is five days away. To some, a blissful opportunity to disconnect. For others – who should stop reading now – a seafaring circle of hell. If you are in that former camp, though, there is plenty on offer this season. Think of all those big boats plying the Caribbean during the chilly season. Well, it's about time they set their sights on Europe's summer of cruising. Hop aboard the repositioning migration that sees these many liners heading north for the summer and returning in the fall. Certainly, the companies that own these boats would just as soon make a little money at the same time. But with few ports of call and no guarantee of perfect weather – England in April being a far cry from the Virgin Islands – room and board can be a relative bargain.

One adventurous couple, Betsy and Warren Talbot, who married in the D.C. area in 2004 but now travel the world – as recounted on their blog ''Married with Luggage'' – found a repositioning cruise in October cheaper than flying. After six months of overland travel from Thailand to Europe, the two needed to get back to the U.S. Luckily, Norwegian Cruise Line's Norwegian Sun was headed in that direction, a two-week trip from Copenhagen to Miami.

''We paid $700 each, including tax and tip,'' Betsy Talbot reports from the couple's current encampment of Guanajuato, Mexico. That was for an inside cabin, which Warren Talbot says was just fine.

''It was probably the nicest accommodation we'd had in two-and-a-half years,'' he says, explaining that he and Betsy had spent that time bouncing around the globe on a budget. ''If we did it again, we'd still do an interior cabin.''

But, would they do it again? They hate to fly, granted. That doesn't seem enough to offset the couple's need for a more adventurous form of travel. Consider the only other sort of cruise they'd taken prior was with a group of about 120 passengers to Antarctica.

Still, their days on Norwegian Sky don't sound so bad.

''We'd get up early, have breakfast,'' Warren Talbot says of a typical day. ''In the afternoon we'd go to a movie or to the library. We never missed a happy hour. We'd relax for a few hours, then dinner. There were at least 10 to 15 activities at any time. Every day was very full. You were never bored.''

The two were actually less aware of the isolation than of the trip than of their shipmates – largely American, largely older, largely large.

''I know it sounds horrible, but we were amazed by the amount of food people ate at every meal,'' Warren Talbot says of the inclusive, endless offerings.

If not their cup of tea, exactly, is there anyone for whom they might recommend such a cruise?

While Warren says it would be just the ticket for his mom, who enjoys chatting up strangers, Betsy offers, ''I'd say somebody like a writer, somebody who wants that time alone to create something. Or somebody coming down from something – either really good, or really bad, like a breakup.''

And if you're looking for a little ''family,'' Pied Piper Travel is organizing a gay group to join the Celebrity Eclipse, departing Fort Lauderdale, Fla., April 20, arriving 13 days later in Southampton, England, with stops along the way in the Bahamas, Puerto Rico and Saint Martin – before eight straight days of nothing but open ocean.

For loads of gay people throughout the mid-Atlantic region, having a summer share at a house in Rehoboth Beach, Del., is a must. It gets so formal that many houses have names, official logos and even their own websites.

And while we know the most difficult decision when planning a visit to Rehoboth is which bathing suit to pack, the process of securing a share in a beach house can rank right up there with picking between Andrew Christian and Pistol Pete. (And, by the way, the answer is both.) While you're wondering if D.C. may yet see a snowstorm this season, others are already well underway with their plans for a summer at the shore.

The first question is how do you find available shares? The answer is to hit the Internet. The days of the fraternity-style, beach-house rush party has been replaced with Facebook, Craigslist and various other sites your online searching will net for you. Perusing the listings, it shouldn't be too hard to find a share that fits your budget and desired location. But you're just getting started.

Rehoboth Beach

Mike DeFlavia, a longtime Rehoboth veteran, advises that among the top issues to consider when selecting a possible share is ''house rules.''

Well-known among the boys of summer for the annual Fourth of July pool party he co-hosts along with his partner and housemates, DeFlavia has been a Rehoboth regular for 13 years. Not surprisingly, he has gained some wisdom about sharing a beach house.

''I knew of a house that had a rule that if a housemate brought a 'friend' home from the bar and that friend stayed long enough to eat breakfast, then that friend became officially a guest,'' DeFlavia shares. ''There would be a $35 guest fee charged, which would make for one expensive bowl of cereal.''

DeFlavia recommends that any house you consider have clearly stated rules about guests, pets, parking, chores, smoking, food and liquor.

There is also the question of knowing exactly what you're buying. Are you getting a full share or a half share? Do you have a designated room and bed? How might three-day holiday weekends differ from regular weekends when it comes to the accounting? Are utilities included in the rent? Is the house just for weekends or can you stay during the week? There are plenty of questions you need to have answered before signing on if you want to avoid mid-summer friction that might pop up if you find your housemates and you are not on the same page.

Beyond the rules and logistics, DeFlavia also stresses the issue of picking a house that meshes well with your personality. ''If you expect to be out every night until last call at the Blue Moon, you are going to want to make sure that flies with your housemates.''

There's something about Judy Tenuta and gay audiences. There is a mysterious connection that's kept the two intertwined for the duration of her comic career, launched in the 1980s. Is it her Grammy-nominated comedy recording, Attention Butt Pirates & Lesbetarians -- recorded at Christopher Street West's L.A. Pride festival? Maybe it's her roles in gay movies Going Down in LA-LA Land and Butch Camp? Her 2012 e-book, Full Frontal Tenudity?

Whatever it is, that popularity has translated into countless appearances at gay events, signature accordion in tow. One upcoming gig will have Tenuta celebrating spring amid the boys and girls of Gay Days Orlando. She seems pretty excited about it. Then again, Tenuta is pretty excitable.

Judy Tenuta

METRO WEEKLY: What can you tell me about Gay Days Orlando?

JUDY TENUTA: I don't know! It's a bunch of gay guys running around in thongs and feathers. I thought every day at Disney was ''Gay Day.'' Everyone who works for Disney is gay, and you know it.

MW: It does seem festive.

TENUTA: Not ''festive'' – they're gay! Hello? Let's just sing all day and do musicals.

MW: With Disneyland, Tokyo Disneyland –

TENUTA: I love 'em all! I was just at Disneyland for Christmas. Oh, my God, I had the best time.

MW: Do you have a favorite ride?

TENUTA: I love It's a Small World. It's just happy. What I love about Disney is all the characters running around, the way it's decorated. I love all that stuff. And, oh, the fireworks! I love the fireworks. And they have the water thing. ''Fantasmic''? It's just fantastic. We usually go around Christmas and the Fourth of July.

MW: So, not a roller-coaster kind of goddess?

TENUTA: I went on that mountain….

MW: Space Mountain?

TENUTA: Enh….

MW: Matterhorn?

TENUTA: Yes! Matterhorn! It's fun – once. But I can't go on like seven times in row like I used to when I was, like, 18. I used to go on roller coasters all the time. But, hello, once you're past 50…. I'll watch all the crazy teenagers go over and over and then throw up.

Judy Tenuta

MW: Do you have kids?

TENUTA: No, just the men I date.

MW: What are you doing with your show these days? What are you talking about? Still playing accordion?

TENUTA: But of course I still have to punish people with the accordion! It's so funny, I just did this show, taped it for this cable thing. They said, ''We want to mike your accordion.'' Please, haven't people been punished enough? It's not like I'm a full-fledged musician. Anyway, this is for you. [Performs her song, ''Party in Your Pants,'' over the phone, playing accordion.]

MW: Oh, my God. You just did that for me!

TENUTA: I did it for you!

MW: You just made my week, Judy Tenuta.

TENUTA: [Laughs.] Aw, sweet. It's the funniest thing. You don't realize how people are kind of such great fans. I was in Hawaii doing a show a few years back, at a Westin. They had this big hall I was performing in. Before I went onstage, I was in this kitchen – a beautiful kitchen, almost like a ballroom itself. So, I'm back there with the manager, one other person, and the chef comes right up to me. He kneels down and he says, ''May I kiss your accordion?'' I said, ''Oh, my God, you're awesome! You are messed up!''

MW: And you let him kiss it?

TENUTA: Of course! Oh, my God, are you kidding me? It was hysterical. You would've cracked up.

MW: Are they still dating?

TENUTA: Believe me, he would've been in his glory if I'd left it there. [Laughs.] As I said, I was heading to stage and couldn't give it to him. But I've gifted certain places with accordions. One is in Michigan. One is in Cleveland. There's one in Orlando – my prom gown and my accordion at Universal Studios.

MW: When you're traveling, how do you pack the accordion? Do you buy it a seat?

TENUTA: No. I've downsized. I have a petite accordion. We don't want to hurt the goddess back. Actually, it fits into my suitcase, which I usually try to put in the overhead. I still try to bring it onboard with me, because they goof it up when I check it. They bang everything around.

MW: Do you like being on the road?

TENUTA: Only if I have a band of gay men to help adore me.

MW: Have you performed on any gay cruises?

TENUTA: I had so much fun! I love 'em! I was invited on a gay cruise [RSVP's Caribbean cruise on Holland America Line's Zuiderdam] in 2008 and they said, ''You can bring your mom.'' Isn't that great? I performed the very first night and it was so fantastic. I loved it, loved it, loved it. Then, the next several nights, I just enjoyed myself. They had different shows, different things going on. The third night, the boat was really rocky, but I thought it was kinda fun. [Laughs.] And they gave my mom a separate suite. Isn't that great? We just had the best time. I loved it. And the different ports? ''Hey, Judy, wanna come spelunking?'' It was so much fun.

MW: You weren't trapped with any stalker fan?

TENUTA: Oh, no, no, no. They were sweethearts. They were so sweet and so respectful of my mom. They would take her arm. You know how the gay men are, they're fantastic. And the gay women, too.

MW: Is that your idea of a perfect vacation, a cruise?

TENUTA: I do enjoy a nice cruise. I love Paris – but only in beautiful weather, not in the winter. Even though the French are rude, it's beautiful there. [Laughs.] And it's always great to go to Hawaii.

MW: So, window or aisle?

TENUTA: I've got to have the aisle. I have to have a quick exit to the bathroom. It's not so much that I go, but I don't want to climb over big, fat hoarders. I don't want to be climbing over people.

Oh! The last flight I took, I had a lady, I'd say 40-something, with like a 7-year-old. It was late at night, you're trying to sleep, and this cow decides to read aloud to her son – who was playing on his iPad and not even listening to her. And she's going, ''And then the cow….'' And I go, ''Excuse me. First of all, it's late and everyone's trying to sleep. And your son isn't even paying attention.''

MW: How did she react?

TENUTA: She was a bitch! ''Are you trying to restrict my son's education?'' He's trying to do it! Your son already hates you. Can you blame him?

Judy Tenuta performs as part of Gay Days Orlando on Saturday, June 1, at the host hotel, Doubletree by Hilton Orlando at SeaWorld. General admission tickets are $25, VIP $60, available at gaydays.com.

"I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you. This is not a message of hate – this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor."

To say that conservative Christian Pat Robertson missed the mark when he made this statement in 1998 in response to the city of Orlando, Florida's support of Gay Days would be a polite understatement.

Gay Days Orlando at Disney World

Orlando's love of Gay Days has only grown stronger, as has the gay community's love for Orlando.

What started as a single-day LGBT takeover of Disney's Magic Kingdom has expanded to a week of events held throughout the city, attracting thousands of participants. The benefit to the local economy is estimated at around $150 million.

''It was fabulous to see the sea of people wearing red shirts flooding the Main Street of Magic Kingdom and the other parks,'' recalls Syrel Fadullon. ''I felt welcomed and comfortable. And to me that was amazing and reassuring.''

The red shirts that Fadullon describes have been a tradition since the start of the event in 1991, when participants were encouraged to wear red shirts as a sign of unity.

Fadullon has been to Gay Days twice, in 2009 and 2010, and he loved both trips.

''My friends and I spent all of our time being big kids, bouncing around the parks,'' he says. ''Everywhere we looked, we would see others like us mixing perfectly with the other guests.''

Of course, there was a time when the union between Gay Days and Disney was not as sweet. During the early years, Disney would place warning signs near the entrances to its parks to alert guests that the gays were around. Now, Disney puts out signs to welcome those patrons who once raised the red flag. With the January announcement that a gay man, George Kalogridis, is the new president of Walt Disney World Resort, there might be some extra Tinker Bell love for Gay Days in the future.

Chris Manley, along with his life and business partner, was involved with organizing the very first Gay Day, and began to formalize and expand the event in 2002. It has become a full-time job and passion.

''We are so lucky that Orlando is the top tourism destination in the county," he says. "And our community is just like other tourists and wants to visit Orlando."

Each Disney park now has a designated ''gay day.'' This year, it's Animal Kingdom on Thursday, May 30; Hollywood Studios on Friday, May 31; Magic Kingdom, on Saturday, June 1; and Epcot on Sunday, June 2.

And while visiting the parks remains core to Gay Days, participants have the option to partake in dozens of parties and events outside of the parks.

Much of Gay Days' non-Disney activities center around the Doubletree by Hilton Orlando at SeaWorld, which recently completed a $35 million renovation. Set on 28 lush acres, it has served as the host hotel for the past three years and has an agreement to continue for at least the next three.

The pool parties at the host hotel are nearly as popular as the Disney parks. Open to hotel guests and non-guests alike, the parties go on well into the wee hours of the morning at three separate pools – divided between men, women and bears – and are headlined by the circuit's top DJs. This year's schedule includes Randy Bettis, Joshua Atom, Nancy Starr, Grind, Barney Philly, Mary Mack and Chi Chi LaRue.

The hotel is also the sight of an extensive multi-day expo of organizations, businesses and destinations seeking to capture the attention of the thousands of attendees.

A newer addition to Gay Days that has proven very popular is a comedy night. This year, Judy Tenuta will perform. No stranger to gays, the accordion-playing comedian received her first Grammy nomination for Attention Butt Pirates & Lesbetarians and appeared in the cult-classic film Butch Camp.

With bookings for the Doubletree already running ahead of last year's numbers, Manley expects more than 160,000 people will take part in this year's festivities.

With so many people coming to Gay Days from all over the world, others have jumped on the Mickey Mouse express with ancillary events. The organizers of One Magical Weekend are hosting a party on Friday, May 31, at Disney's Typhoon Lagoon water park with DJ Manny Lehman, and a ''Retro-T'' at Epcot with DJ Wendy Hunt on Sunday, June 2. And its host hotels include two Disney properties, the Saratoga Springs Resort & Spa and the Coronado Springs Resort.

Promoter Mark Baker has planned a series of pool parties and dances at Downtown Disney's Buena Vista Palace, which is also offering special room rates. He is also hosting a party at Universal Studios that will headline Kevin Aviance on Saturday, June 2.

Daniel Truitt, another Gay Days veteran, loves the fact that Gay Days has stayed true to its Disney roots, but also evolved.

''I rode every ride, from It's a Small World to the teacups. My favorite was taking the Jungle Cruise with a boat full of bears, which was laugh-out-loud fun times,'' says Truitt. ''I also played in the pool at the host hotel. I did the party at Typhoon Lagoon. I danced my butt off at Parliament House. And I had a blast.''

Gay Days Orlando is May 28 to June 3. For more information visit gaydays.com.

Sure, there's a slight chance that Mother Nature might have a surprise up her sleeve. But it's not likely. Instead, it's just been a pretty uneventful winter in this neck of the woods. We battened down the hatches and we braced for it, but winter was essentially a non-event in Washington. Good thing we had that inauguration, or it might have passed us by entirely.

Spring, however, will never be ignored. If nothing else, the days are getting longer. Cold and flu season is abating (even if allergy season is gearing up). Crocuses are popping out of the dirt. It doesn't take a winter of blizzards to make spring inviting. And invite you it does, to leave hibernation behind and step outside – and beyond.

''Coffee is my vice,'' laughs Matt Bailer. ''I literally drink coffee when I'm DJ-ing at Nellie's. It's kind of the running joke around there.'' Bailer, who spins at Nellie's every Friday night, also guzzles the occasional 5-hour Energy, but never Red Bull: ''I actually get Red Bull hangovers, that's what a lightweight I am."

And over that past decade the 35-year-old has become one of D.C.'s most prolific DJs, busy every weekend and several nights a week, at venues as varied as Town, JR.'s and L'Enfant Café, where he plays for the restaurant's mixed-crowd, ''drunk brunch'' La Boum Saturdays. The Maryland native, who studied theater at Duke University and lived in L.A. for a few years, got his start in D.C. nightlife at the now-shuttered Omega, spinning videos during a long weekly shift. ''This is back when Apex was the Friday night destination,'' he says, ''so we would get a rush of people from 11 to midnight. But for the three hours before that and the three hours after, it was like…crickets.'' These days Bailer is once again a VJ, spinning videos every other Tuesday, including Tuesday, March 19, at JR.'s indie-pop/rock party, Underground.

Matt Bailer

(Photo by Julian Vankim)

Bailer is best known for two monthly parties that got their start, however improbably, at the Adams Morgan Eritrean restaurant Dahlak. There's the wildly popular dance party Mixtape, thrown with Shea Van Horn the second Saturday of the month, usually at the Black Cat. And then there's Peach Pit, the '90s-themed party that touches down on third Saturdays at DC9. ''A lot of people have commented that [Peach Pit is] the most genuinely, organically mixed crowd of a dance party in D.C. – in a fun way, not a weird, self-conscious kind of way. Everybody loves dancing to '90s music.'' Like many a mixed party before it, Peach Pit gets gayer the later it goes, filling up with straight women first. Bailer would like to change that, to truly ''keep it mixed, and keep the energy, [because] by the time the gays get there, there's like a crazy line outside, and there's nothing that I can really do to get them in.''

Bailer has always been passionate about music, having taken piano lessons all the way through high school as well as playing saxophone in the school band, even singing in his church's folk music group. In college he started writing his own songs – an eclectic mix he amusingly calls ''pop-pouri'' – and he hopes to soon ramp up efforts at recording and producing, maybe even try his hand as a singer-songwriter.

But DJ'ing will likely remain his fulltime passion. ''I can't see myself doing anything else,'' he says. ''I really feel like I'm doing what I was put on this planet to do. I feel like this is why I'm here.''

Matt Bailer's Peach Pit is Saturday, March 16, starting at 10:30 p.m., at DC9, 1940 9th St. NW. Cover is $5. Call 202-483-5000 or visit dcnine.com.